Woodside Warriors

IMPORTANT NOTICE

2006-08-09T10:10:00.000+01:00

YOU ARE AT THE WRONG WEBSITE!

We have developed a new website with extra whistles and bells on it and at great personal expense, Jim Stead has registered the domain name:

www.woodsidewarriors.co.uk

The woodies now have a proper website name so we can expect them to play proper cricket, properly. Unless we are talking about Captain's bowling which is slowly reverting to the 'Chuckle Brothers' to-me to-you method.

Stick this in your address book, we'll keep it for ever, at great personal expense to Jim (OK it cost £7 for 2 years).

Thats:
www.woodsidewarriors.co.uk

One More Time:
www.woodsidewarriors.co.uk

Boffins In R + D Develop Prototype Website

2006-08-04T08:54:00.000+01:00

Research boffins lead by professor Jim Stead have developed a new Warriors website at :

www.freewebs.com/jumbotakeaway

Jim said, 'This new site increases bitching, bleating and general mirth capabilities by nearly 400%, and each team member could have their own page if they can overcome their own technical ignorance'. He didn't point at Tom or Kunz when he said this.

The site is still in development and should be fully operational in a few weeks, definately ready for next season unlike the new wembley stadium.

In fact i might run it in conjunction with this one until the end of the season, a bit of copy and paste never hurt anyone.

A Win For Steamboat

2006-08-04T08:21:00.000+01:00

The Warriors played Hartlington last night with black arm bands and a minutes silence for team-mate John Morris who sadly died last week.

Strangely, the Woodies decided to bat and even more strangely, decided to put King Nurdlers Tom and Baines (pictured), in. Although both had a decent knock, both obviously thought they were playing a 5 day test. In fact Tom's figures (33 n.o.), would have been appallingly slow (off 9 overs) had he not nicked 3 lucky fours off the last over with his funny spinning batting style. So he just got away with it then.

Following this 'steady' opening, the Warriors failed to capitalize having Tim, Gary and Kunz out for about tuppence ha'penny each.

Highlight of the batting was Jim 'what's the Opposite Of Nurdler' Stead, whose 7 ball, blink of an eye innings yielded 3 sixes and 19 runs in total. Tom and Baines should take note, proper batsmen probably shouldn't.

The innings was wrapped by another decent 20ish from Bryan well backed up from ringer Rick, the Woodies finished on 121 off 18 overs.

The Woodies bowling was consistent(ish) with nearly everyone getting a wicket (Jim, Ste, Baines, Tim, Rick and Bryan got 2), Rick's being decent considering he hasn't bowled since 2003. The only let downs were Captain's (pictured above), shoddy as hell, back to usual, more wides than a buffet in Vegas and Gary's mildly wayward 'mixed bag'.

In the end, the Warriors won by 10 despite Paxy's fielding and Ste's drops.

JOHN'S FUNERAL

2006-08-02T10:11:00.000+01:00

John Morris' funeral is at 11am on Tuesday the 8th at Bingley Parish Church, and then the wake is at the Bankfield Hotel.

Johnny has said to Richard that all Warriors are welcome to attend and he would be glad to see us there.

Jim

JOHN MORRIS 1949-2006

2006-08-02T08:13:00.000+01:00

It is with great sadness that we have to announce the sudden death of John Morris last friday .
John was not only a great friend to many of us but also played the game with great skill and dignity.

The last memory I have of him was during the last game on Wednesday when, after an opposition player refused to walk on a number of occassions John gave himself out even when the opposing umpire refused to raise the finger. This speaks volumes for him.

I personally never saw John fall out with anyone. He always was quick to compliment others but rarely himself. I never heard him ask to bat or bowl in a particular order.
Never did I hear him put anybody down even when they might have deserved it.

John was the epitome of a good sportsman.

He was somebody I longed to emulate not only as a player but as a father. I often considered if I could still play like him in another 20 years, but when I said this to my own son he replied 'you'll be too old dad!'

What I admired about John the most was that, despite being extremely competitive on the football or cricket pitch, he never took any malice into the field of play.
A true gentleman who we will all miss .God bless you John, you will be forever in our thoughts.
Richard Kunz

Hard to believe you've gone, a true gent of the game, I'll miss you buddy.
Jim Stead

More Stupid Profiles Added

2006-07-27T16:42:00.000+01:00

A stupid profile yesterday.

'The rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated' Excalibur speaks

2006-07-27T08:32:00.000+01:00

The Woodies won their last home game in style last night thanks to a decent batting and bowling performance.

Fielding first, the Warriors managed to keep Riddlesden run rate under control while also taking several wickets. In fact more wickets would have been taken had one of the Riddlers players not given himself 3 lives after being caught by Tom and then runout before being bowled by Jim.

There was plenty of other incident, JK managed to bowl hardly any full tosses, Ste Stead provided a spectacular catch on the boundary (and then nearly walked over the boundary),, Nick also got his third cracking catch in 3 games to banish those 'wedding ring' jokes once and for all (well up until he next drops one). Then Gangas had a heated discussion with Captain Kunz about the price of fishcakes in Kazakhstan, (later it was discovered that RG was upset about Jim forgetting his scoreboard).

The Riddlers finished with a decent 133.

JK and Gangas opened the batting, well Gangas did (offsetting his bowling in fine style). Ste and John Morris (who gave Riddlesden a lesson in morality), had good innings, but Ste,JK and Gangas all complained that Excalibur had lost it, being as dead as Leeds United. When Jim and Paxy began their partnership however, Excalibur crushed their words like a butterfly on a wheel exposing them as the amateurs they are. Jim flashed the mighty lump of willow, scoring 22 in the last over alone (this suprised Paxy who had just been told 'I'll give you the strike' by Jim).

In the end they praised Jim and promised to hold feasts in his honour.

HALF-ASSED WEBSITE GETS SLIGHTLY BETTER

2006-07-22T11:14:00.000+01:00

Technical guru Jim Stead has yet again improved the warriors website by adding PLAYER PROFILES on that link over there, on the right. 'Yes I know i've only done a few but give me chance', quipped Jim, knowingly. 'It might not even work', he added 'Or try clicking here'.

The E.C.B. recognizes Greatness

2006-07-21T15:17:00.000+01:00

Today could be Woodside Warriors proudest day!

The mighty Warriors are now as official as they will EVER be! They are now OFFICIALLY LISTED as an OFFICIAL club by an OFFICIAL from the OFFICIAL E.C.B! (that's the England and Wales Cricket Board Tom).

ECB WEBSITE

Look there! Just between Woolaston CC and York CC!

Woodside Warriors and the E.C.B., partners in cricketing greatness!

An E.C.B. OFFICIAL said 'Very happy to add a link to the Warriors site!'.

A Woodside official said 'That puts us several steps up the ladder from the likes of Riddlesden and Lothersdale, the jokers'.

ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED

2006-07-19T18:27:00.000+01:00

Lothersdale today called off their match with the warriors at the eleventh hour.

"They were just scared' said Jim Stead.

"Or hot', he added.

Anyway we can look at the 'Chief Bleater' poll instead, with the above informative, handy and obviously entirely accurate pie chart (which is not edible).

WHO BLEATS? YOU DECIDE....

2006-07-14T15:25:00.000+01:00

Following 'A Captains Rant', an argument has grown up as to whose is Woodside's biggest gobshite bleater.

Is it 'I got 3 runs not 2' Kunz?

Is it 'It's not the keeping its the bowling' Dziedzic?

Is it 'Cant believe I was out with such a donkey shot' Ste Stead?

Is it 'I'm not nurdling' Baines?

Is it 'band of gold' Nick Rank?

Is it 'I'm not doing it on purpose' Kenny?

Or is it 'Molehole' Jim Stead?

To vote and see current leader, click HERE

Tom's Not Just a Pretty Face

2006-07-14T13:01:00.000+01:00

Further to 'A Captains Rant', I must refute all claims that Tom's only contribution to the team is piss poor wicket-keeping.

He collects the kit together after the match, AND he collects the money to pay for the ground and kit etc.

This makes Tom Financial Director and Kit Man. With Tom's influence, the Warriors finances, (pictured above), have never been more exciting or small. In fact, with Tom's help the club is virtually bankrupt, because of some cock and bull about 'only playing home games at the moment'.

Luckily, Jim Stead has shrewdly helped boost the coffers by using adverts on the website. Google are ready to make a payment of 'several dollars'. This amount is thought to be worth over a fiver, and will pay for John Kenny's match fees for the next 32 years. Or Kunz's fees for the next 1.68 millenia

A Captains Rant

2006-07-13T22:58:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors
CONSPIRACY UNCOVERED
On the subject of batting figures it has to be said Tom should now be banned from scoring. I do realize that this is his ONLY useful role in the team but I fear a sinister reason behind his normal tight fisted self. If I remember last year a certain Polish team member (not naming anyone in particular) was publicly humiliated for his batting performance. His retort was he was in for his wicket keeping !!!!!!!!!
After a brief visit to the crease last night, captain Kunz could only console himself with the fact that he at least managed to reach double figures. However after glancing at the scorebook he noticed that ex-vice captain Dziedzic had him down for a poultry 7 instead of a magnificent 11 (off 12 balls). His two superb boundaries rapturously applauded by both sides suddenly appeared as one. Let me run you through those majestic strokes; 1- a belting drive to mid on between two fine fielders (ok they were worse than Nick's dives but that's beside the point)2 - an audacious knock to square met by a victorious thud of the quality corrugated iron that marks the distant boundary.
So Sherlock where has these 4 runs disappeared to ?
Mr BAINES chief investigator please leave no children's witch like character unturned !
Ps I don't also want any derogatory comments made comparing me to a Ste Stead like mentality as I didn't awaken at 2 in the morning thinking about this - it was more like 3am.

Average batting positions

2006-07-13T20:58:00.000+01:00

After a complaint about batting positions,
here are the facts

J.kenny........1.....1........1...---no.1
G.Baines.......3..8..2..9..7..8..6---no.6.14
R.Kunz.........5..5..5..5..5..5..5---no.5
N.Rank.........6..1..8..2.....3..8---no.4.66
S.Stead........7..2..6..8..4..10.2---no.5.57
R.Greenwood....8..3..10.1..2..7..4---no.5
J.Morris jnr...9..4..9..6..3.....9---no.6.66
J.Morris snr...10.6..4..7..5..9..7---no.6.85
T.Dziedzic....11..9.11..11.9..2.11---no.9.14
G.Stead...........7..3.10.10..4.10---no.7.33
B.Southgate................1.....1---no.1

j.kenny
b.southgate
n.rank
r.greenwood
r.kunz
s.stead
g.baines
j.morris jnr
j.morris snr
g.stead
t.dziedzic

Another Glorious Victory

2006-07-13T16:54:00.000+01:00

The Warriors strolled to another victory last night against evil multi-national conglomerate Denso Marston(pictured left).

Denso batted well reaching a reasonable 120 after 20 overs on a very fast pitch. Highlights of our fielding included another spectacular catch from wedding-ring free Nick, although he didnt look very confident.

Ste Stead opened the batting for 5 seconds before wafting some flies away like a great fairy and knicking one to a fielder for 2 runs. Once nurdler and average obsessed ste had gone, Bryan and 'Judas'Mat Paxford (playing against his colleagues) got off to confident starts to put Woodside on solid ground both of them declaring.

After more half-assed crap nurdling by Kunz and Baines (under encouragement from Ste), who were both out for next to nothing, Woodside trundled to a win with 5 overs to spare with extra help from Gangas and his magical helmet.

Last nights match was the first game this season for stalwart 'Paxy' also known as 'the decent ginger one'.

Suprisingly, Tom and Kunz hardly cocked anything up last night. Although Tom left the gate open and cows nearly ate the wicket.

Jim's Knee Injury in Glorious Widescreen

2006-07-06T18:55:00.000+01:00

More warm-up 'action'

2006-07-06T18:36:00.000+01:00

Nick showing his 'finesse', John Morris blatantly not trying and Kenny looking like he's about to 'out' himself.

2006-07-06T18:31:00.000+01:00

The mole holes that crippled Jim

The glorious new scoreboard in action under supervision from star bowler and chief nurdler Baines

Close Up On the Victorious Warriors

2006-07-06T12:01:00.000+01:00

Kenny and Baines warm up. Kenny obviously cooled off later.

DID THEY JUMP? OR WERE THEY PUSHED?

2006-07-05T22:56:00.000+01:00

Woodside gratefully accepted a bow wrapped victory from Menston last night in perhaps the most exciting victory in years, maybe ever.

The match had so much incident, we may need a team of infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters to log all the action.

It started off with a fine knock from JK who struggled through Tom's plodding innings to leave the field undefeated. Tom on the other hand slowly crafted reasonable enough knock ( too fast for nurdling, too slow for tonking), which actually had BOUNDARIES, YES BOUNDARIES. Maybe 3 or 4 of the ultra rare beauties! It was like spotting a flock of dodo's. Being chased by a unicorn on a griffon, with Lord Lucan doing a dance nearby. Like a fairy story.

The rest of the batting burbled along well enough to leave Menston with a reasonable enough 128 (from 18 overs), to chase.

They found this total easy to follow because of the wonderful JWSTEAD scoreboard.

Menston's batting rate soon began to climb despite a couple of decent overs from Ste Stead. The main problem was the dodgy fielding from the wall side of the ground, Eddie's longest over of all time and JK trying to bowl on a 170 yard pitch.

Before we knew it, Menston needed 8 runs from 5 overs with 4 wickets left. They thought it was all over, well it wasnt now.

The fight back began with Nick's overs, then Baines' cooly bowled overs featuring a spectacular ultra high catch from wedding ring free Nick which caused minor panic in their team. Another runout, a batter played on, then Jim fell down a mole hole with great dignity and poise.

Suddenly, they still needed only 8 but had only one wicket left... Up to the crease stepped legendary bowler Jim Stead (now mole free) who followed Baines' wicket maiden, with one of his own...

After 4 balls right in the block-hole, the batsmen knocked one to fielder Baines', one batsmen set off, one didn't, Baines through the ball to Jim ( didn't want to risk throwing it to Tom no doubt), who'calmly' turned, and destroyed the wickets.

From 8 runs from 5 overs with 4 wickets left, to 8 runs needed ALL OUT.

Generous Sponsors Make Another Donation

2006-06-30T16:32:00.000+01:00

Steve Stead, Managing Director of club sponsors JW Stead proudly unveils Woodside's no expense spared new scoreboard.

Created in a joint venture between RBG Consulting Ltd and J W Stead, the scoreboard represents a great leap forward for the club. Chief design guru on the project, Jim Stead said 'we could have gone for a super-hi-tech, prologic digital model, but that would have been beyond Tom's fragile mind'.

Nutty proffessor Richard Greenwood said 'Jim has taken my fag packet calculations and created a scoring masterpiece'. 'I made lots of 1's for the board just in case Tom or Baines are batting', he went on.

Captain Kunz was asked to comment but he wasn't allowed.

THE PASSION AND THE PAIN

2006-06-30T16:25:00.000+01:00

Ste Stead unveils his rather nasty injury yesterday to stunned onlookers. The injury, received via a bodyline ball from Airedale, was described by a doctor as 'a bruise'.

Stead said,'These are the kind of things you have to go through to get in the Warriors team, if your wife lets you.....'. 'I could have done a Baines style nurdle, but instead I got stuck in'.

Trecherous Blighter Changes Sides

2006-06-29T14:59:00.000+01:00

Such was the manner of the Warriors victory yesterday, that Airedale's border collie (probably called Judas), changed teams and ran off with the ball allowing Baines a few more runs.

CAPTAIN'S DISAPPEARANCE HELPS TEAM

2006-06-29T14:24:00.000+01:00

Captain Kunz (pictured left), bravely abandoned his 8 man plus one paraplegic team to what should have been a kicking by fierce rivals Airedale General Hospital.

AGH batted very well and despite good bowling from Baines, got a large total of 132 for the Warriors to aim at.

The fearsome, never-say-die attitude of the Warriors could not be quelled however, and the band of journeymen, crocks and misfits put their lack of numbers behind them and focused on the positive....no Kunz.

Without the ginger ones drag factor, Woodside produced one of their best ever batting performances and cruised past AGH with 5 overs to spare. All batters, Gary, Bryan, Gangas, Steve, John, Baines and even Johnny (yes Johnny), produced the goods in a near faultless display of explosive batting.

Nobody mentioned the reason for Mr K's no show, and no-one laughed about it all evening, at all.

"The great spineless, girls blouse!", nobody said.

Hart-broken-lington

2006-06-22T12:51:00.000+01:00

The terrifiyingly good warriors had another crushing victory over Hartlington yesterday.

The warriors decided to bat first for the first time since 1932 and knocked up a momentus 145 following great innings by Tim (34 n.o.), Baines (26 n.o.) and the increasingly erratic Jim Stead (31 n.o.).

The day did not start off well however with Tom getting injured in practice(pictured). The knee injury obviously didnt affect his game though, as he continued to bat like a 4 year old poking dog-toffee with a twig. He got about 4.

Following all round consistent bowling, the warriors held Hartlington to a mere 99, nearly half a ton short.

The innings ended with an uncharacteristic catch by wicketkeeper Tom. It's believed that he only held it because it landed in his hands as he had previously put down 20 dolly drops.

Kunz forgot the bag again, but got a wicket.

That Tom-Kunz Run Out

2006-06-15T13:09:00.000+01:00

Captains earn their keep for the first time in 18 years with a spectacular run out. Their batsmen was thus consigned to a Diamond duck, a lot worst than Jim's Golden one that everyone forgot, no doubt.

Special thanks to George Lucas for the state of the art graphics.

Excitement All The Way With 'Golden' Jim Stead

2006-06-15T10:05:00.000+01:00

Warriors again crushed Riddlesden last night with cunning bowling, crunching batting, accurate fielding and Jim Stead's 'wayward' batting (pictured).

Riddlesden were limited to 105 runs after several quality bowling performances, and some unusually accurate fielding by Kunz (yes Kunz) and Tom (yes Tom) who run some guy for a diamond duck.

Batting started well with Gangas ruthlessly crushing an 8 years old's dreams with boundary after boundary.

Nick took pity on the young lad, bravely allowing himself to be bowled in the most embarrassing fashion.

Ringer Tim tonked a decent few more runs and eventually retired with Gangas on 25.

After much Baines/Ste Stead nurdling, Jim Stead came on for a typically exciting blink-of-an-eye innings (pictured left).

By the end however Ste Stead's lucky bat carried us to victory after extended nurdling.

FEARSOME PACE ATTACK DOES NOT SCARE WARRIORS

2006-06-15T09:58:00.000+01:00

Riddlesden's fearsome pace attack (pictured below) psyched out opening batsmen Nick causing him to be the first warrior ever to wear a helmet (pictured left again).

...and yea, blessed art thou Excalibur

2006-06-08T08:36:00.000+01:00

Ste Stead's magical bat gets even more runs.

As used by Jacques Kallis

* Hand Crafted English Willow - hand selected English willow is traditionally crafted to produce the industry's leading bats

*proven to be lucky

*can nurdle

* Makes even donkeys look half decent.

Lothersdale Lathered

2006-06-08T08:15:00.000+01:00

The funkadelic warriors stormed to victory yesterday after a fantastic batting triumvirate of Stead, Stead and Kenny. Jim thwacked his way to a mighty 25 unbeaten, Kenny romped to a fast 20 and Ste Stead wrapped up the innings with an unbeaten 20.

All three batsmen used Ste's new Excalibur to cruise past Lothersdale's 85 total.

Lothersdales batting preformance stuttered with a fine 3 wicket haul from John Morris, and an extremely interesting over from JK which contained full tosses, wickets and a nasty injury to someones lip (pictured above).

Also full respect must be given to a man who gets a lot of stick but produced a quality preformance yesterday...

...an injured Tom Dziedzic.

Kunz also helped with his bowling.

More photos from Tong Park

2006-06-01T19:49:00.000+01:00

Kunz, Ste Stead and an unfortunate supporter yesterday

Victory Marred by self-mutilation

2006-06-01T19:37:00.000+01:00

Woodsides opening victory at their new home ground was spoiled yesterday as several people watching the match gnawed their own feet off as a reaction to Baines' diabolically dull innings.

After a mediocre bowling effort, (only one wicket taken by Steve, but a suprisingly decent effort from Captain Marvel), Woodside went in to bat needing 84 runs. Steve Stead knocked a resilliant 25 before retiring to give himself the man of the match award.

Runs and wickets continued to climb until Baines came to the crease. Unfortunately, what happened next is sketchy as few remained awake to see the close of the match such was the turgidity of Baines' batting.

On a brighter note Mr Guiseppe Pamplemousse thanked Mr Baines for finally curing his insomnia.

BAINES TO THE RESCUE

2006-06-01T07:05:00.000+01:00

Gary Baines held his nerve in the fading 'bright sunshine' to overcome a batting collapse, and only Tom Dziedzic to come in, and steer the Warriors to there first victory of the season. After a sudden collapse of the middle order, Baines was sent in
to partner his captain( and hero) Richard Kunz, determined to see it through to the end, so that they would'nt have to rely
on dot,dot , one Dziedzic. Refusing to hit anything that could have caused his downfall, he let Kunz score the winning runs
as only a captain should. It was an innings of great strength and doggedness, due to the hostile nature of the crowd, baying
for his wicket.

OPENING DAY DISASTER

2006-05-30T13:05:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors
OPENING DAY DEFEAT 10th MAY 2006
Unfortuately the Warriors first game of the season got off to a bad start largely due to vice captain Dziedzic's so called 'ohh he'll be alright' stand in.
After superb start and taking early wickets ( Kunz's 'stand in' getting a golden wicket)the run rate accelerated with Tom's mate's 10 wides and a windmill Airedale batsmen.
Chasing a reasonable target of 114ish we got of to a flyer with most making double figures. Captain Kunz finally broke his duck against his employers by making a quick 25. However none could have guessed the script as Tom's mate played just like his mentor but with-out the ones ie dot, dot, dot.The cricketer in question who shall remain name-less managed a record 10 overs scoring a poultry 7 ! Neadless to say we ran out of overs despite a late rallying call of J M senior and junior and Gangus.
Anyway we'll blame the captain for foolishly believing the vice captain in the first place !

Ste Stead's new bat unveiled

2006-05-06T15:56:00.000+01:00

Ste Stead's new bat was unveiled yesterday at a ceremony attended by local dignitaries.

The bat pictured left, is a Slazenger fireball XL5 twin turbo Apollo 13 interstella special.

Tom was quoted as saying "lets hope its not the Wragg/Hodge effect kicking in, you know all kit ,no talent. If he doesn't get 500 runs he'll get the mick taken from him, until the second fixture. Mind you if I can borrow it, maybe I can do a glorious drive to maybe silly point....or further".

Commitment in question

2006-05-06T15:42:00.000+01:00

Maybe the team should consult their star player before arranging matches at ridiculous times.

Some commitment to me would be nice, all year i run this site and what do i get out of it?

Thats right, ample opportunity to slag off Rex and Polak. Its great.

Here's another picture of Samui for you. Its 35C here, if your interested.

PS note the palm tree that JK's bat is probably made from.

cheap holiday

2006-05-01T14:17:00.000+01:00

Skegness has changed since the last time i had

a holiday there. Another holiday on the cheap

from a member of the Stead family. Would you

like us to rearrange the date of the first game,

or would you prefer to cancel your holiday

and pledge your support and committment

to the warriors? If you opt for the second

choice, i may be able to take the Butlins

holiday off your hands.

Jim can't play

2006-04-30T05:35:00.000+01:00

I cant play next week because im here.
<

new season

2006-04-29T11:45:00.000+01:00

The new season is fast approaching (faster than you think),

the first game is on wednesday 10th of may- a week on wednesday, at

sutton. We will be playing our home games in Baildon (thats as much as

i know). Captain Kunz hasn't given us much time to prepare and train for

the opening game, so i'm off to the pub to get some practice in.

see you all next week

gary

Tong Park Yesterday

2006-04-27T11:30:00.000+01:00

The ground we've been promised yesterday.

Woodside Warriors

2006-04-26T20:45:00.000+01:00

A MESSAGE FROM CAPTAIN KUNZ

Well we've done it again ! first Bingley Grammar School decided to use their pitch for other purposes ( ie motor bike riding) Crossroads disbanded after 100 yrs of club games after it was found that the bunch of amateurs hiring the pitch were really top class professionals (out-lawed in local rules) and now Crossflatts have decided that they don't need a bunch of low life using their quality ground because they've managed to get £6500 sponsership from a very local building society. They won't be laughing when i take out my poultry funds out of my account(sssss) tomorrow (dr does mean dosh reserves i hope !).
Luckily your captain has nothing better to do with his time and so after trying Harden, Bradford & Bingley, Bingley Cons,etc i have managed to secure the famous (ly obscure) Tong Park c.c ground for our home fixtures. where i hear you say ?,well i've not found it yet but apparently it's near hollings hall hotel in Baildon.
Therefore with great pleasure and with no help at all from Crossflatts C C here are our 2006 fixtures

MAY
10th AGH Sutton
17th Denso-Marsden home
24th Menston away
31ST BRI home
JUNE
7th Lothersdale home
14th Riddlesden away
21st Hartlington home
28th AGH home
JULY
5th Menston home
12th t b a home
19th Lothersdale away (Carlton)
26th Riddlesden home
AUGUST
2nd Hartlington away
9th B R I away

Finely-honed athletes approach peak

2006-04-10T13:22:00.000+01:00

As the cricket season approaches many of the warriors have taken their own personal fitness in their own hands.

Jim Stead (not pictured) believes his own punishing regime has seen him lost over a pound (though he believes it is down the back of the sofa).

Captain Kunz (not pictured) has kept fit on his bike by racing kids with stabilisers and Gangas did an afternoons work at JWS (spread over several days).

JK believes his bowling arm has toughened up by carrying numerous pints of liquid from a table to his mouth in a Red Lion style gym.

PRESEASON TRAINING ABANDONED

2006-01-18T10:22:00.000+01:00

Pre-season training at the Woodside Warriors sports research institute has been abandoned after star batter Greenwood was crocked as his glass back was exposed.

"The regime was too tough", said Greenwood, pictured left, "I just couldn't take it.." he went on limply.

Chief trainer Jim Stead commented " I think we'll just do the usual this year, you know the 10 mins in the bar before the first match. We'll shut the institute (on Thackley Old Road, Shipley) to all but the toughest such as me and Steve."

He added, " We don't exactly need it, I mean we rarely have fitness issues or injuries (excepting torn hamstrings, broken legs and dislocated shoulders".

Pre season training

2006-01-17T22:16:00.000+01:00

When does pre season training take place?

Two weeks touring Australia/West Indies?

Two weeks in the sports village at La Manga?

Or is it the same as normal - In the bar, 10mins before
the start of the opening game.

Who is the mystery 'celeb' ?

2006-01-17T22:02:00.000+01:00

You have a wife - not G.Baines

You let your wife spend your money - not either of the Steads

Hung like a horse - not T. Dziedzic(so i'm told)

Wants to stop bowling - could be anybody like Kunz,kenny,Doverner,Ross,Rank

Have wife/money - too old for Morris jnr & Unsworth jnr

ANY MORE CLUES

Woodside Warriors

2005-12-30T21:39:00.000+01:00

Message from the secret 'celeb'

Jealousy is a ugly thing.
Just because I came third in 'i'm a celeb get me out of this bowlig lark' doesn't mean i'm not selected for the tour of India.
Also I'm featured heavily in this great worldwide web-page and my wife spends my money like i earn David Beckam wages-so i must be faaamus ! ps the hung like a horse bit IS true but don't ask the wife.

Woodside Warriors

2005-12-22T18:58:00.000+01:00

The contents of this 'blog' have been brought to my attention, regarding the so called 'celeb' of this cricket team. As a valued and well respected member of the 'woodside warriors', i have been unable to work out who this 'celeb' is. It could benefit the team to have a 'celeb' player, by getting some media attention and increasing the crowds to more than 2 men, 1 woman, and Toms kids. Think of the money we could charge, and how much beer we could drink out of the profits.

Unfortunately, do we want this 'celeb' to play for the 'warriors', when, in his own words 'HE LIKES TO PLAY WITH YOUNG CHILDREN'. Not only playing with young children, but he doesn't even let them win during the games he plays.

He signed himself as 'tonto' - so he is either hung like a horse or he looks like one.

ANY IDEA'S WHO THIS MYSTERY PERSON IS???

RED rum was trained by GINGER McCain

more scandle and lies

2005-11-23T23:04:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors
can't a celeb like myself enjoy some privacy whilst playing with small children during the off season. ps he didn't win as I cunningly lodged a branch in his spokes close to the finish line.And no they didn't airbrush out my stabilisers.-TONTO

2005-11-04T16:58:00.000+01:00

Cullingworth Under Mr Kunz's Influence

Devil Finds Work For Idle Hands

2005-10-31T14:10:00.000+01:00

Woodside captain Rex Kunz has let the winter lay-off get the better of him. Without the Warriors filling his life with glee, the ginger one has decided to wreck the entire village of Cullingworth. The village is now a haven for the criminal element now that Mr Kunz has opened up a footpath through its centre.

"When will people learn you can't fill the empty void in your life left by cricket with charity or your kids, the gap can only be filled with alcohol", added JK yesterday.

Aire Valley Target newspaper report below:

Rangers on the trail of trouble
From the archive, first published Friday 7th Oct 2005.

Rangers are patrolling a new trail along a former railway which opened in the summer to a chorus of complaints from nearby neighbours.

The 12 volunteers, who have bought their own jackets, hope to be the eyes and ears to any vandalism or trouble making along the Great Northern Trail.

The track was opened to walkers, horse riders and cyclists in May after a £250,000 restoration. It included refurbishing two magnificent viaducts - Cullingworth and Hewenden.

Jeff McQuillan, of Sustrans, the alternative transport group which is spearheading the project to open up the whole route from Cullingworth to Queensbury, said: "They will be our ears and eyes and patrol on a regular basis. They will report back any damage or anything else that needs our attention."

It was hoped that their regular presence would also act as a deterrent but he stressed that there had been very few problems since the opening in May.

"We can understand people's feeling about change - of not knowing what is round the corner. That is normal," he added.

Liaison ranger Richard Kunz, 36, who works as a physiotherapist, said: "It's a visible presence and we want to show we are pro-active rather than reactive.

"We've had an excellent response and have about 12 volunteers on board, who do litter picking and keep the trail up to standard."

Mr Kunz, of Bingley, also praised the trail, which has received criticism from parish councillors and residents since it opened. Nearby residents complained of losing their privacy and of people straying into their gardens.

Mr Kunz said: "I think it's the best thing to happen in Cullingworth for years. There are walkers and rangers on it every day and I go up once a week. If there is a problem, they get in touch with me."

Mr Kunz added that the rangers were now seeking to develop links with local schools and hoped to stage a competition, with a mountain bike on offer as a prize.

Plans for phase two of the trail - between Thornton and Queensbury - are expected to be submitted to Bradford Council within the next three weeks.

Sustrans hope to start the project - expected to cost about £500,000 - in about two year's time. It will involve restoring Thornton viaduct.

The final phase, the middle section, is more problematic because part of the old railway line is tunnelled.

scandalous flith and lies

2005-10-07T22:03:00.000+01:00

It is a known fact that only gingermen can lead . How I've managed to cobble together such a bunch of vagabonds (tom), raggamuffins , so called international business consultants (my arse) and clogg wearing morris dancers is nothing sort of a miracle (in fact Sir Bob has contacted me about leading the next live-eat event).Remember England CC that winning only two games is poultry compared to 11 wins and only 3 minor/slight/only just losses that don't even get a mention on the unbiast WW web page. So boys remember where your butties are buttered and pork pies are sliced esp you Stead brothers when you slagg off my kind. CAPTAIN GINGER

ASHES ARE A CON!

2005-10-02T19:41:00.000+01:00

Warriors captain, Richard 'Rex' Kunz (left), yesterday dismissed England's ashes win.

'The Warriors have won 10 matches this season, England only won 2 against the Aussies' seethed Mr Kunz, making no attempt to hide his vitriol.

'If the country made such a song and dance about every Warriors win, the economy would collapse and the U.K would be a third world country like Belgium", he seethed, spitting coco-pops across his breakfast table, until he was told off.

STAMP

2005-09-29T21:16:00.000+01:00

Is 4.3 going all out to purchase a 1st class stamp, or is he going to maintain his usual standard and settle for a derogatory/cheap/miserly/spendthrift 2nd class stamp. Taking into account his batting average over the years, a 2nd class stamp would still be an incredible achievement by his standards.

Warriors Support New Charity

2005-09-29T17:13:00.000+01:00

The Warriors are proud to announce that they gone into partnership with a new charity, the GINGER KIDS FOUNDATION.

Mr Dziedzic has generously annouced that he will give the foundation a massive £0.01 for every run scored by himself next season.

"With the extra money generated by Mr 4.3's batting, we hope to open a 12 storey, state of the art medical unit for treating ginners", said charity president Chris Evans,"or failing that, a stamp" he added with a sudden flash of clarity and realism.

Mr Evans has also stated that in the future the GKF also hope to treat injuries and growth defects caused by wedding rings and gypsy curses.

Nick and Tom practice months too late

2005-09-29T16:56:00.000+01:00

Nick and 4.3 were caught practising on a dancefloor and Ste Steads wedding last saturday.

"You'd have thought they would have practiced before the season", said JK, "they obviously needed it".

"After 5 months of shoddy wicket-keeping and shambolic fielding, I would have expected them to have got the message earlier", said Gangas.
"Mind you, I know I got the best batting averages but Nick won the big one", he went on.

Gangas was referring to the G Stead Cranial Cup which had been awarded to Nick earlier that night. He had won the much sought-after award for "Services to crap excuse - making", having cobbled together some cock and bull bobbins about wedding rings and magic fairy dust as an excuse for putting down dolly drops all season.

LOOK AT HIM GO

2005-09-27T10:02:00.000+01:00

MR 4.3 DISPLAYS HIS 'SKILLS'

2005-09-26T08:50:00.000+01:00

Vice Captain Tom(above) finally has had his unique style captured on camera. Tom was showing off because he was blind drunk afterdrinking 2 babyshams in only 4 hours.

Toms inebriation, at self publicist Ste Stead's wedding, caused him to misread the batting averages. His wild celebrations were because he thought he had an average of 43 not the 4.3 he really has.

GANGAS FAILS AGAIN

2005-09-13T18:42:00.000+01:00

Heres some slightly more readable batting averages.

Note how Gangas failed to get 200 runs this season.

Note how useless Toms borings innings' really are. He only beat Malcolm who had the excuses that: a) he only batted twice, and b) he's 30 years older than everyone else in the team.

BATTING
......................inns...... runs..... ave
R.Greenwood..12....... 199 .....39.8
P.Jackson.........6 .........95 ......31.6
M.Paxford........9......... 152..... 30.4
G.Baines..........7 ........108...... 27
S.Stead...........10 .......133 ..... 22.1
Matt.Unsworth.3......... 43.......21.5
N.Rank .......... 8 .......118..... 19.6
R.Kunz ..........11.......145 .....16.1
S.Doverner .... 6 ......... 63..... 15.73
G.Stead...........4 ........46 ......15.3
J.Morris snr.....3........ 29.......14.5
J.Morris jnr ....7..........69 ......13.8
B.Ward ..........1 ........10 .......10
J.Kenny..........11........96....... 9.6
M.Wilson........2.........18 .........9
R.Unsworth ...2.........16...........8
M.Unsworth ...1 ....... 7...........7

T.Dziedzic......7.........26........4.3 hhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

M.Ross...........2..........4...........4

AVERAGES

2005-08-21T17:09:00.000+01:00

Baines works out averages, Tom is officially useless..

BATTING
air men loth bri rid bri air men loth cro har rid men mars inns runs ave
R.Greenwood 28* - 2 10* 5 7* 28* 24 51* 12* - 1 10* 21 12 199 39.8
P.Jackson 23* - - - - 4 4* - - 29* - 22 - 13 6 95 31.6
M.Paxford - 2 - 26* 38 28* 0 15 9 4* 30* - - - 9 152 30.4
G.Baines 18 5* 18* - 8 - - 26* 18 - 15 - - - 7 108 27
S.Stead 2* - 11* - 0 9 35 10* 18 - 12* 10 - 26 10 133 22.1
Matt.Unsworth - - - - - 17 - - - 25* - - - 1 3 43 21.5
N.Rank - 7 - 22* 3 24* 15 - 5 - - 3 - 39 8 118 19.6
R.Kunz 0 - 23 26* 5 - 7 - 11 8 41* 10 10 4 11 145 16.1
S.Doverner - - - 6 4 1 26* - 25* - 1 - - - 6 63 15.73
G.Stead - 28* - - - - - - 0 - 4 - 14 - 4 46 15.3
J.Morris snr - 4 - - 4 - - - - - - - 21* - 3 29 14.5
J.Morris jnr 26* - 0 - 1 25 - 10* - 1 - - 6 - 7 69 13.8
B.Ward - - - - - - - - - - - 10 - - 1 10 10
J.Kenny 0 - - 29* - 22 1 - 1 14 7 2 1 6 11 96 9.6
M.Wilson - - - - - - 10 - - - - - - 8 2 18 9
R.Unsworth - 1 15 - - - - - - - - - - - 2 16 8
M.Unsworth - - - - - - - - - - - - - 7 1 7 7
T.Dziedzic - - 9 - 0 3 2 - 0 - 7 - - 5* 7 26 4.3
M.Ross 4* - - - - - 0 - - - - - - - 2 4 4

BOWLING overs runs wickets average economy
J.Morris snr 2 1 3 .33 .5
P.Jackson 6 14 4 3.5 2.3
M.Ross 8 26 5 5.2 3.25
M.Paxford 8 31 5 6.2 3.87
N.Rank 14 41 6 6.83 2.92
G.Stead 10 37 5 7.4 3.7
S.Stead 12 38 5 7.6 3.16
R.kunz 16 96 7 13.7 6
R.Greenwood 16 79 4 19.75 4.93
G.Baines 8 40 2 20 5
J.Kenny 10 53 2 26.5 5.3
M.Wilson 4 27 1 27 6.75
J.Morris jnr 8 48 1 48 6
M.Unsworth 2 22 0 - 11
Matt.Unsworth 6 23 0 - 3.8
S.Doverner 8 39 0 - 4.8

Please note that not all bowling analysis's have been recorded in the book, ie(matt unsworth taking Wraggy's wicket and tom's laughable bowling at Lothersdale).

SPECIAL MENTIONS

R.Greenwood 51 not out against lothersdale
R.kunz 41 not out against his kids
J.Morris snr 3 wickets for 1 runagainst his workmates
M.Ross 3 wickets for 4 runs against much younger opposition
J.Kenny for turning up most weeks when others can't be bothered

NON SPECIAL MENTIONS

N.Rank blaming his wedding ring when dropping catches
T.Dziedzic's bowling and batting. and wicket-keeping

Team Paxy, concede more runs than a Laxy (tive)

2005-08-19T12:36:00.000+01:00

TEAM PAXY YESTERDAY

Part time Judas, Paxy, proudly lead his Denso team to a humiliating defeat last night in the woodies last match of the season.

Denso managed to concede a massive 159 runs in 20 overs allowing the warriors their largest total of the season. "See how good we are when were not carrying Paxy?" said Tom, or someone else.

The main batting preformances were from Nick and Ste (i'm told). Since Ste never mentioned his bowling one can assume he got a Kunz-esque walloping.

They got around 100 apparently.

Denso - Marsden Match

2005-08-17T08:57:00.000+01:00

Last years get together

The occassionally mighty Woodies are playing Paxy's Denso-Marsden team this thursday.

Following the match, the team are having their annual end of season extravaganza at the royal pub in crossflatts, all are welcome, even Tom.

The Wrong Shoes - Washout in Menston

2005-08-17T08:27:00.000+01:00

An old woman with diarrhoea yesterday

Woodside lost in a rained affected match at Menston.

After 15 overs, Woodside set a target of 72 in a plodding innings.

As both teams were about to go home in monsoon conditions the rains cleared and, despite whining from certain members, the match was resumed with Menston coming back in to bat.

This handed advantage to the opposition as bowling and fielding conditions were difficult to say the least, especially if your wearing gay clogs and cant be arsed changing back into your cricket boots.

Kenny's opening overs were the first to suffer, as a wet ball slipped from his hand was launched thunderously for four byes 3 times over.

Great bowling from Nick, Johnny, Ste and Jim was undermined by some fielding described by Kunz as an 'old woman with diarrhoea' largely due to inappropriate footwear.

Menston reached their target after 11 overs.

Farmers fencepost flattened

2005-07-28T13:02:00.000+01:00

The Warriors notched up another fine win yesterday, beating Hartington by 3 wickets.

The farmers team team notched up a respectable 107 in 20 overs, with one batter using a fence post (above), as a bat (he even got a 6 off it).

Numerous decent bowling preformances were over shadowed by Mr Kunz (above), who yet again bowled no official wides.

After he had run Baines out, Paxy went on to make a fine innings of 25 ish N.O. .

Warriors victory was sealed with a dramatic innings from Kunz (above), who managed to knock an unbelievable (for him), 41 N.O., with the help of a partnership with Ste Stead (12 N.O.).

This innings silenced the jibbering Dziedzic who was flapping as the woodies needed 33 runs off the last 5 overs. Kunz's (above), decent knock was blamed on his anger that he was the only numpty gullible enough to pay £3 for parking.

Gangas scored the lowest with 0 runs, he should use the £8 bat next time.

Former Members' rich vein of "form" continues.

2005-07-27T08:18:00.000+01:00

Mr Wragg, pauses for a rest on the way back to the pavilion.

One warrior commented "He was definitely the best free transfer we ever got rid of, the fat knacker...".

WELL DONE

2005-07-26T21:48:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors

Its taken a week of soul searching, and plucking up the nerve and courage to say this, but i think we should say 'well bowled' to Mr Kunz and 'well kept' to Mr Dziedzic. I didn't think we could ever say 'well done' to either. Its like saying 'fish and french fries' or 'kenny and runs'. It just isn't right, infact its 'just not cricket'.
Although i don't want to take any gloss off Mr Kunz's bowling( no wides and a couple of wickets), he was bowling against kids younger than his own, and was helped by the new law of not calling wides. If Mr Wragg was batting, it would have taken a very,very wide ball to have gone past his belly or arse, although i'm sure Mr Kunz has managed to bowl that wide before.
As for the overseas Polish wicket keeper, the only reason for not giving any byes away, was that he had bribed the batsmen into not running, so that he would look good infront of his family.
The highlight of the evening/season/millenium was watching Mr Wraggs middle stump cartwheeling down the ground towards the bypass for a paltry/rubbish/useless/crap one run. OH HOW WE LAUGHED

We should say a big thank you for the sumptuous feast they laid on for us after the game, I hope paxy was sick aftrewards for pinching all the beef, and leaving all the scraps for the rest of us.

Tom's bowling action yesterday

2005-07-14T17:08:00.000+01:00

Tom's technique uncovered. Note the gormless expression that belied his steely determination. And his favoured uniform.

BARGAIN BAT LICKS LOTHERSDALE

2005-07-14T15:49:00.000+01:00

Jim Stead dramatically found 3 lost balls yesterday during another Warriors victory. This completely eclipsed his batting performance in which no-one can remember how many he scored.

Woodside won a marathon match in which over 300 runs were scored in the 20 over match.
Largely thanks to a mammoth innings of 51 by Gangas with a new bargain basement Â£8 bat, Woodside eventually scored 158 after a slow start. There were also quality innings by Baines, Ste Stead and Steve Dovenor.

There was some dog poo innings from Jim, Tom and the still cursed John Kenny who scored a mighty 1 run between them. Tom gets praise though, for bravely sacrificing his wicket (in a well rehearsed runout maneuver), for someone who could actually get some runs.

Lothersdale batted consistently, and scored runs frequently but were always struggling to stay in touch with the large Warriors score. Some quality bowling from Jim and Baines limited the lothers' runs even while Tom was trying to give away runs with more comedy keeping.

With 6 overs left and Lothersdale needing 56 runs, the warriors were feeling confident, until they realised Tom and comedy Kunz were still to bowl 2 overs a piece.

Kunz started well but the pressure of 3 decent balls eventually made him crack and then proceeded to bowl his usual bollocks for the rest of his over. Like last week , his second over wasn't that bad.

Tom, on the other hand is only a wicket keeper because he bowls like epileptic in an earthquake with roller-boots on. Since we were a man down, he had to bowl, and was promptly tonked around the ground by amateurish tale-end batsmen smiling at the welcome boost to their averages courtesy of the gayest dolly-drops seen this side of the Wizard of Oz.

The Warriors looked like losing for a short while but Baines steadied the ship at the other end. Tom, inspired by Mr Baines, and the ring of steel that was the fielders, holding hands on the boudary, managed to scrape through another crappy over with the last remaining shreds of his dignity still in tact. WELL DONE TOM!

Woodside eventually won with a reasonable 11 run margin.

N.A.S.A.

2005-07-10T17:08:00.000+01:00

It has been reported that NASA are tracking an unidentified object that was picked up on their radar, originating from the Crossflatts area of Bingley, and is now heading deep in to space at an incredible rate of speed. It appeared on the radar at approximately 8.40pm on thursday evening. The boffins at NASA headquarters in Eldwick say the object is small and red, and has the molecular structure of a cricket ball.
If anybody has any information on this special event, can they please contact the head boffin 'mr r kunz' on 4 4 4 4 6 0. This is a special number that only 'mr r kunz' has been able to translate from 6 balls.

Mr Kunz believes the object (pictured above), to be completely alien to him, as well as the process known as 'bowling' which is often linked to the item, (though never in Mr Kunz's case).

Bone Idle Team Fail to Cover Website in Jim's Absence

2005-06-22T14:36:00.000+01:00

The mighty warriors have failed to update their website while star batsmen/bowler Jim Stead has been on holiday.

All members failed to inform the public at large of their humiliation at Riddlesden CC and that they also allowed BRI to get over 130 runs against them.

"i'm not suprised ", said Jim. " I do all the batting, I do all the bowling, so who would expect the rest of the team to update a website in my absence".

He went on, "When you carry 10 people week in, week out with the collective IQ of a beansprout, you expect it to fall apart when you go on holiday".

"Some people such as Tom and Kunz think that being technically accomplished means you can find the TV remote quickly, or use a doorbell", he sighed, wistfully.

FUTURE FIXTURES

2005-06-03T21:48:00.000+01:00

9/6/05 BRI LOW MOOR
15/6/05 RIDDLESDEN RIDDLESDEN
23/6/05 BRI CROSSFLATS
30/6/05 AGH CROSSFLATS
7/7/05 MENSTON CROSSFLATS
13/7/05 LOTHERSDALE CONONLEY
21/7/05 CROSSFLATTS CROSSFLATTS
27/7/05 HALFLINGTON BURNSALL
4/8/05 MALHAM CROSSFLATS
11/8/05 RIDDLESDEN CROSSFLATS
18/8/05 MARSTON MARVELS CROSSFLATS

Please note the extra fixture on the 18 August. This is against Paxys' works team - who unfortunately have not been beaten in their cricketing history. This should prove a very amusing finale.

Also please see who needs to advertise JW STEAD & Son Ltd - who have been providing service and support to the textile finishing and carpet manufacturing industries for over 70 years.

http://www.jwstead.com/

Is this extra bit of advertising for our sponsors going to get us improved perfomances from the stead team. Who from reading the website have won us every game so far!!!!

Who is writing these match reports!!

Captains Preformance creates disbelief !

2005-06-03T08:22:00.000+01:00

Captain Kunz stunned his team by playing cricket last night. A lightning batting preformance blamed on sexual fustration and 2 wickets (albiet launched to the boundary and then caught), gave him a joint man of the match award with ste stead who is sat next to me applying undue pressure.

Ste and Paxford took the early, decent wickets (where the ball hits the wickets), to put Lothersdale on the back foot.

A nurdling middle order bowling effort was livened up by Kunz and young Malcolm at the tail end with 5 wickets from loose bowling and boundary catching (on Kunz's behalf) .

Lotherdale finished for 80 for 9.

Warriors opening batsmen Dziedzic nurdelled along with lucky, glancing boundaries (does he get any others?) and, dizzy with success, was out next ball for 9. Rob Unsworth made a decent knock with his magic bat.

Kunz then rampaged his way to 22 in only 3 overs as he released his sexual frustration on the ball.

After the usual collapse Baines and Ste Stead, senior nurdlers in extremis, restored some confidence and saw woodside home with a solid knock at the end.

LOTHERSDALE MATCH HAS BEEN ARRANGED

2005-05-25T07:18:00.000+01:00

Our glorious leader, Kim Il Jong Kunz, has confirmed that the Lothersdale match at home (Crossflats), will go ahead next week. The match is on Thursday the 1st of June, meeting at 6.15 at the Crossflats Theatre of Hate.

2005-05-21T15:34:00.000+01:00

A Victim Writes...
Gullable black-eyed Toms only influence on the game was giving Nick out,just because the spacker wicket keeper from Menston had said that the ball had hit the leg stump. Nick swore blind that the ball never hit the wicket, having to swing 2 foot out for the ball, but the bail had fallen on the floor due to his unfeasably large knob.

Nick

2005-05-21T15:15:00.000+01:00

Its Good To Have Him Back

'Its good to have him back', said all his team mates, as they swamped their outstanding keeper "Tom the Magnificent". Against an under-numbered and shit Menston team, Woodside completely swamped the opposition in a one sided affair. Despite some of the spoutings and pungent poo coming out of the mouth of Jim ( Oil Tanker Stead). Fielder of the match had to be Captain Tom, not only was his keeping outstanding but his bowling changes were inspired and helped the team keep the poor Menston boys down to a bare minimum.

As has been mentioned some comical batting left the door slightly ajar for menston, but Jim closed his eyes, sucked a lemon, and hit a couple of lucky sixes. the sheer incompetence of the opening batsman was comical. Nick was out by a mile, despite his sad on, he was given out instantly by the eagle eyed umpire.

P.S the picture was doctored, Nick is better looking than that (honest).

Captain Tom

2005-05-19T14:16:00.000+01:00

WAS THIS THE WORST BALL EVER?
Kunz's opening ball of last week, was it worse than
Paxy's dismissal this week? You decide.

2005-05-19T13:05:00.000+01:00

Was This Worse than Kunz?
How Paxy was bowled. Note the ridiculous pitch of the ball and Paxy rushing below it.

2005-05-19T11:01:00.000+01:00

Warriors crush Menston

The Mighty warriors crushed Menston last night dismissing them for only 46 runs after fine bowling from half-cut Gangas, John Morris snr and Jim Stead.

Jim continued his fine vein of batting form (if you discount the entire last season), to score a not out 24, half of his teams total. An unnamed bystander commented,'that innings was so good, it was an affront to God'.

Halfway through the momentous innings, a controversial incident threatened to cloud the day.
Nasty Nick 'Cotton' missed the ball and one of the bails fell off, but the ball did not appear to hit the wickets. We all looked to the umpire Tom for a decision, but he bumbled, spluttered and tried to run away. Eventually, after claiming he couldnt see the incident he was bullied into giving Nick out by the opposing wicketkeeper. 'Just don't hit me' Tom explained.

The day also marked a return for top batsmen Paxy. The ginger flash embarrassed himself however, by being bowled by the crappest ball ever. The ball pitched only a third of the way down the wicket and bounced over paxy to hit middle stump. It was as bad as that Kunz opening ball last week.

The warriors went onto finish the innings after losing John Morris Snr for next to nowt, in under 10 overs.

2005-05-19T10:52:00.000+01:00

Blind Tom and evil Nick 'Cotton' have frank exchange of views over Nicks disputed dismissal. Nick later added "He's dead to me now". Both tried to marr the dramatic whitewash of a win at Menston yesterday.

2005-05-15T10:53:00.000+01:00

The match on the 25th versus menston at menston is now on the 18th , still at menston.

Cap'n cant make but we got thom back , what the lord giveth with one hand he taketh away with the other.

2005-05-12T13:00:00.000+01:00

The warriors continue their unbeaten streak in emphatic style

Captain Kunz put in an exceptional preformance yesterday to lead his team to an emphatic win on the first game of the season against Airedale General Hospital.

Highlight of his preformance was a spectacular opening ball in which nearly broke his own toes. This followed a majestic innings of 0 runs over 2 triumphant balls in which he humbled the opposition. The fabled opening ball was described by Jaxy as the 'biggest pile of excrement i've ever seen'. Others nearly called the epilepsy helpline on his behalf.

Jaxy and and gangas opened the batting in rampaging style both declaring on 25. After some nurdling, and a minor collapse involving Capn and 'the cursed Kenny' (who both got fuck all), young Johnny Morris also scored a handsome 25 to put the warriors in a commanding position with 109 runs after 20 overs.

Our bowling started in a controlled fashion with both Gangas, Ste and Jim all making early breakthroughs. The bowling all went to pot as Kunz began to bowl in his usual erratic style.

Steve Stead livened up proceedings by cleverly dislocating his shoulder while fielding. This at least put Mr Kunz to some use after all as he managed to put the bugger back in place.

Some fine overs at the end of the match by John senior, Mr Kenny and the new youth team prospect Malcolm Ross sealed a 19 run win for the warriors.

After the match John Kenny said 'We had the best of the luck, especially when Dziedzic couldnt turn up '.

2005-05-12T08:39:00.000+01:00

The mighty gangas looking gormless after a decent knock of 25

2005-05-12T08:38:00.000+01:00

Jaxy playing with his tackle

2005-05-12T08:37:00.000+01:00

Captain Kunz looking rightly proud of his mammoth 2 ball, no run innings

2005-05-08T19:59:00.000+01:00

Slags of cricket unveil this years 'home'

The mighty warriors are proud to announce that Crossflatts cricket ground is our home this year.
Capitan Kunz said, "its about time we stayed somewhere for more than 2 games, so we'll try to stay here for the next 20 years". "Unless we piss them off after the first game by wrecking the pitch playing monsoon cricket like normal", he no doubt added.

It is with great pleasure we can announce this years fixtures below, (obviously this list will be out of date before you read this , i mean organising a match on the same night as the Champions league final i ask you).

11-May Wed A G H Sutton
18-May Wed
25-May Wed Menston Menston
2-Jun thurs Lothersdale Crossflatts
9-Jun thurs B.R.I. Low Moor
15-Jun thurs Riddlesden Riddlesden
23-Jun thurs B.R.I. Crossflatts
30-Jun thurs A G H Crossflatts
7-Jul thurs Menston Crossflatts
13-Jul Wed Lothersdale Cononley
21-Jul thurs Crossflatts Crossflatts
27-Jul Wed Halflington Burnsall
4-Aug thurs Malham Crossflatts
11-Aug thurs Riddlesden Crossflatts

Already the squad are preparing for the first fixture by emptying their boots of spiders and returning from Buddhist retreats in Nepal. Vice Captain Tom gave some rousing words for the squad ahead of the new season: "Hare Rama Rama Krishna Rama Guru Murphy", he went on to say " Where are you goin with your fetlocks flowing my lovely horse?".

2005-02-14T09:21:00.000+01:00

Dziedzic writes again

2005-02-13T11:16:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors

Not having been on the site for some months, it's good to see that people have come to their senses and at long last have seen Tom Dziedzic in the light he deserves to be seen in. "in a halo as an Angel keeping watch over the pile of poo that is Woodside".

We would like to congratulate jim Stead on his momentous day with the lovely Zoe, its about time he settled down and produced some off spring to play for the second team under the watchful eye (shame its only the one eye) of the incompetent Steads.

Congratulations to Nick who married the georgous Ang, and we're now waiting for them to produce another member for the woodside team, hope he can follow in dads footsteps.

I'm thinking about hanging up my gloves at the end of next season, now that i've got you all excited with that piece of news I would just like to say that sometimes i talk shit, and until we find someone as incompetent as myself i'll keep on doing the job!

Yours
Vice Captain/Lady-in-Waiting, T Dziedzic

2005-01-28T14:06:00.000+01:00

Rory Kunz proving that cricketing skill relies on genetic code. And dress sense

2004-12-31T13:17:00.000+01:00

Shock News- Captain Breeds again
Mr Kunz has shocked the rest of the warriors by producing a second son and pronouncing him the new vice captain of the club.

Alfie Jay Kunz was born on the 30th of december.

Some members are deeply worried that a second Jay K has joined the squad.
Tom said "One jay kay's enough with his gypsy's curse n'all, h'yuk h'yuk".
"Quit your fussin' and a hollerin' bitch", he no doubt added later.

Some expressed concern about how many wides and full tosses were let loose before a successful conception.

The warriors would like to give their unreserved congratulations to the happy kunz family, particularly the long suffering Joanne.

2004-12-31T12:43:00.000+01:00

Lets hope Alfie doesn't look like the young Richard Kunz, (above).

2004-11-23T18:50:00.000+01:00

Paxy opens the Warriors state of the art training facilities yesterday

2004-11-23T18:34:00.000+01:00

Alistair proves that dress sense is genetic

2004-11-23T17:45:00.000+01:00

Youth Team Gets New Recruit

Senior Batsmen John Kenny finally put his wood to good use for a change and has produced a sprog.

Alistair Kenny said "Pa Pa cant go on blaming a gypsy's curse for his poor batting anymore, so he produced me to save him from further embarrassment". "I hope to be in the first team by next year seen as i'm better than Kunz and Tom now even though I'm under a month old".

Congratulations to mother and father from all at the warriors headquarters, although it is worrying that the squad's next generation is being spawned Kunz, Kenny and Tom. Lets hope the mothers' genes have some cricketing ability to compensate.

2004-10-06T09:21:00.000+01:00

Jaxy and Paxy get over boistrous after the end of season party

2004-10-06T08:57:00.000+01:00

Next years kit revealed!
Modelled here by the dashing Mr Kunz, he said earlier today "The new kit is not only comfortable and practical, but it also adds a certain dignity to our squad".
He went on "There is also a special cap for the wicket-keeper that has a one way visor over his face so he doesn't put off our bowlers with his strange gurning".
He later added "If I could only find something that could stop me bowling like a complete flid, then we'd be laughing".

2004-10-06T08:56:00.000+01:00

Jim Stead Last Season
Jim said "My only excuse for my batting this season was that I always batted after Tom and thus could not see the ball properly for the sleep in my eyes".

2004-10-05T14:41:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors

AGH MEN BRI RID BRI BUR RID MAG AVE

R.UNSWORTH 6 1 25* 41* 36.5
M.PAXFORD 25* 34* 30* 1 6 9 35
R.KUNZ 12 15 29* 23 23* 34
T.DZIEDZIC 27* 20 12 29.5
J.MORRISjnr 11 7* 20* 15* 0 26.5
R.GREENWOOD 14 23 4 3* 34* 26
P.JACKSON 35* 3 26 10 24.6
N.RAND 1 15* 25* 2 21.5
S.STEAD 12 25 0 20 26 20.75
G.BAINES 29* 9* 0 3 20.5
M.ROSS 16 4* 5* 18 14.3
J.KENNY 0 19 10 23 18 0 25 13.5
J.MORRISsnr 11 11
A.ROSS 9 9
G.STEAD 1* 6 13 5 8.3

2004-10-05T14:24:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID EITHER, I SPENT ALL MONDAY AFTERNOON WRITING IT OUT(TWICE), AND THEN LOST THEM BOTH. TECHNOLOGY IS NOT MY STRONGPOINT(UNLIKE MY BATTING/BOWLING). NO OFFENCE IS MEANT, NOT TOO MUCH ANYWAY.

2004-10-04T17:30:00.000+01:00

Who the F**K is Rob Unsworth?

Top scoring batsmen and I've never met him.

Thanks for doing the averages Mr Baines.
I dont know what you did but i found them and republished them.
Even though they're not kind to me.
I have just been giving you all a chance this year.

Jim

2004-10-04T16:30:00.000+01:00

Woodside Warriors Awards
PICK OF THE POPS(FLOPS) By JAMMY SIVILLE
Are you ready for a rollercoaster ride up and down the charts? if so, klunk klick on every trip, here we go - AS IT APPENS

In at no.15 is Jim Stead, down a huge 14 (not stone) places from last years no.1 with an average of a dreadful 8.3
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - play football on a wednesday and thursday.

At no.14 this year is Andrew Ross, a new entry, scoring a respectable 9 in his only innings. TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - kick your dads bad leg if you want to play more.

In at no.13 is another new entry for John Morris snr, scoring a paltry 11 runs inhis single innings.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - swap the steam train for a locomotive.

At no.12 is the dissapointing John Kenny, down from a high of no.11, with an average of 13.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - hire a priest to remove the gypsy curse from your bat.

At no.11 is Malcolm Ross, the silver fox, with an average of 14.3
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - improve! if you don't want to come last, cos nothing comes after the fox - not even the hounds(if the hunting ban becomes law)

NOW FOR THE TOP 10 - AS IT APPENS - JINGLE JINGLE, JEWELLRY JEWELLRY PUFF OF THE OLD CIGAR

At no.10 is the accident prone Gary Baines with a reasonable average of 20.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - don't go to Burnsall, The Great North Run, the Chicago marathon, or anywhere else i can get injured

In at no.9 is Stephen Stead, with a huge climb of 1 place from last years no.10, with an average of20.75
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - Backbone of the team? - don't be so modest/stupid

New in at no.8 is Nick Rand with an impressive average of 21.5 in his first season.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - don't let married life put you off your own stroke.

At no.7 is Peter Jackson down from a high of no.3 last year with an average of 24.6
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - try to score faster with some big shots.

A new entry at no.6 is Richard Greenwood with an impressive average of 26.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - find another club - your too good for us.

In at no.5 is Johnathon Morris jnr, with an average of 26.5, which is higher than his age.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - give your dad some lessons.

Now for no.4 - Tom Dziedzic up 8 places with an unbelieveable average of 29.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - learn to be more defensive - try not to be as freescoring as Boycott/Tavare
*This average may be incorrect as nobody stayed awake to see the end of an innings.

At no.3 is Captain Richard Kunz with a stunning display of batting earning an average of 34.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - be brave while batting, the ball won't hurt if it hits you on your pads.

A non mover at no.2 is Mathew Paxford with a glorious batting average of 35.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - bring a wider selection of doughnuts

At no.1 and top of the charts is the highest new entry of Rob Unsworth with a stupendous average 36.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - give lessons to the rest of the team.

COMMENDATIONS
Most runs scored- 105 - Matthew paxford
Highest single score- 41- Rob Unsworth
Funniest saying- Jaxy to Paxy- hard in my end
Best wicket keeper- N/A
Worst over- S.Stead 6 . 6 6 4 . (22)
Most Pathetic Shot - R.Kunz - (Flim-flam, tinning, drop the bat/crap yourself shot at Riddlesden)
Best Over - Noz - 4 wides then 2 wickets, nobody remembers what happened after that.

Best Team preformance - Beating Riddlesden first team or Beating High Royds with only 9 men and having 2 non cricketers in the team.

Best Individual Technical innovation - Jim Stead- Starting this website and dragging the club into the 21st century

Variety award for triumph against adversity - Tom, bravely battling through technical incompetence to actually get something on this website.

2004-10-04T09:10:00.000+01:00

Tom 'the Masterful' yesterday